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Good eveninggggg! How're y'all doing? And how has your week been so far?

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And the heat… oh I reserve my comment.

Well well well! Welcome to another episode of Let’s Talk About It, the never-ending series where I respond to, reflect on, and challenge the mindsets we casually accept.

I'm First Laydee, your host for today... and forever and I’m glad you’re here.

So grab a seat and let's talk.

On today's episode, we'll be talking about Negativity Bias.

I saw this…

and it made me stop and think about how negative things often seem to overshadow positive ones.

This is just my opinion, but the more I observe people and situations, the more I see it.

Even in simple Mathematics, when you multiply a negative number by one or more positive numbers, the result is negative.

(+30) × (+400) × (+1000) × (-1) = -12,000,000

Of course, mathematics is not meant to explain life, but the idea is interesting. Sometimes it feels like one negative element can affect the whole outcome, even when something positive is there.

And if you pay attention, you'd see that this pattern shows up in many areas of life.

Think about reputation. Someone can spend years being kind, respectful, and helpful to others. But one moment of anger or one mistake can suddenly become the story people remember. All the good things they have done before may slowly fade from people’s minds, while that one negative moment becomes the focus.

Also, imagine receiving ten compliments and one criticism. The compliments should logically matter more, but most people will spend more time thinking about the one negative comment. The praise is appreciated, but the criticism stays in the mind longer.

Trust works in a similar way. Building trust usually takes time but breaking that trust can happen very quickly. One betrayal or one broken promise can damage something that took a long time to build.

Even in everyday relationships, this pattern can appear. You may have many calm, friendly interactions with someone. But if one conversation turns sour, it can suddenly change how you see the relationship. There’s a friend I stopped talking to because of one conversation. He posted an opinion I strongly disagreed with. It wasn’t just that I disagreed... the reasoning behind it felt flawed to me, so I tried to point it out. The conversation didn’t end well, and after that day, we simply stopped talking. Before that, we never really had issues... we got along just fine. But somehow that one moment changed everything. And that makes me wonder how often this happens. Not just with others judging us, but with the way we judge people too.

Another clear example is, every day there are many positive things happening in the world... people helping each other, communities supporting one another, small acts of kindness everywhere. But the stories that spread the fastest are usually the negative ones. Conflicts, disasters, and scandals.

And sometimes we even do this to ourselves. We may have done many things well, but the one thing that went wrong is often the thing we keep thinking about.

There is actually a psychological idea that explains this pattern called Negativity Bias. It suggests that people naturally pay more attention to negative experiences than positive ones.

Many psychologists and other social scientists believe that humans have evolved to focus on negative events, emotions, outcomes, and information more than positive ones. Scientists believe that negativity bias evolved in humans because it helped keep them safe at a time when they were more likely to be exposed to threats from nature such as wild animals and severe weather events. If a person missed a threat from a wild animal or a negative weather event, they could be injured or die. For that reason, over many generations, negativity bias most likely became a dominant trait that helped keep people alive. Although negativity bias was once a useful trait for humans, the changes in their lives have made this trait more harmful than helpful to people. Negativity bias can prevent humans from enjoying the good parts of life and taking risks that might actually be helpful.

– ebsco.com

Maybe that’s why negative moments often feel louder than positive ones.

But noticing this also raises an interesting question.

If the negative stands out so easily, how intentional do we need to be to notice the positive too?

Let's talkkk!

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Meanwhile, you might also want to check out previous episodes…

For peace? Let's Talk About It (1)

Is God fully in control? Let's Talk About It (2)

Thanks for staying with me, see you on the next one! 😉

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How're you doing, today? What do you expect? Today's Monday!! I know I know. I just hope you're dealing with the stress well?

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Well well well! Welcome to another episode of Let’s Talk About It, the never-ending series where I respond to, reflect on, and challenge the mindsets we casually accept.

I'm First Laydee, your host for today... and forever and I’m glad you’re here.

So grab a seat and let's talk!

Today, I really want us to talk. Because I’m actually confused. And that’s why I even decided to make this an episode instead of just a random post.

So on Saturday morning, I watched a video of Pastor Dolapo Lawal preaching on how to deal with break-up. He said many things that stood out, but there’s one particular thing that really caught my attention.

He said that God knows what is going to happen. God has seen it. But He doesn't exactly control how it is going to happen. He used a football match as an example. He said God already knew that the match would end 3–2. He already saw the final score but the way the match played out wasn't God controlling the players. He just knew the outcome.

And honestly… that made sense to me. Because I’ve always struggled with this question:

If God is in control of everything, then why is there heaven and hell?

If He masterminds everything, if nothing happens outside His will, then why are we held accountable? Why does it matter whether we obey or disobey if everything was already orchestrated?

That’s one.

Then he said something. He said the fact that we can obey or disobey shows that God’s will is not compulsory... it is a wise choice. Which means, it is available, it is best, but it is not forced.

So that suggests that yes, God has a will, but human beings still have the power to choose.

Which then raises the big question:

If we truly have that level of freedom… then is God fully in control?

And that’s where this became personal.

When my brother died, people said the usual things. “It is God’s will", “If God didn’t want it to happen, it wouldn’t have happened", “God knows best".

And I remember thinking... if God knew, and God was in control, then why didn’t He change it?

I just concluded that there is a good reason for it.

After watching this message, something shifted in my thinking.

What if God knew my brother was going to die, but the events that led to it were not His direct will? What if the brain tumors came from natural causes like genetics, random cell mutation, environmental exposure, something biological? What if we live in a world where sickness exists, not because God is scripting tragedies, but because we live in a world governed by physical laws?

Maybe God knew how it would end but the biology, and medical factors were not His decisions.

That idea changes something. Everything.

Because if God did not cause it, then He was not sitting somewhere designing suffering. He was present in it. He saw it coming but He was not the author of it.

Pastor Dolapo also mentioned Paul and Barnabas. It was God’s will that they worked together. That much is clear in the Scripture. But then they separated because of disagreement over Mark. If it was God’s will for them to work together, why did they split? Did God change His mind? Or did human factors interfere?

Maybe God intended that they work together at that time, but their disagreement and their choices played a role.

Looking at it, God still used both of them afterward.

So maybe God’s ultimate purpose stands… but human choices shape how it unfolds.

If that is true, then some things are God’s desire but not every event is His direct command.

Now back to the heaven and hell question.

If obedience is real and disobedience is real, then judgment makes sense because choice exists.

But if everything is controlled down to the smallest detail, then responsibility becomes complicated.

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So I’m asking:

Do you think God controls absolutely everything... every detail, every tragedy, every event?

Or do you think God knows everything but allows freedom, natural processes and consequences?

Drop your thoughts in the comments. Let’s talk!!

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Meanwhile, you might want to go check out Let's Talk About It (episode one)

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii guysssssssssss!

How're you doing today? How's your day treating you? I hope you had a share of today's heat?

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Well well well! Welcome to episode 1 of Let’s Talk About It, the never-ending series where I respond to, reflect on, and challenge the mindsets we casually accept.

Since this is the first episode, I want to take a moment to explain why this series exists. If you’ve been following my posts, you might know I often question what people call “normal". There are beliefs, behaviors, and trends that we accept without thinking and sometimes, I feel the need to challenge them.

This series is my way of doing that intentionally. It’s also a way to hold myself accountable, because in pointing out what’s wrong, I reflect on my own choices and the way I navigate the world. It’s both a conversation with society and a mirror for me.

Each episode will focus on a specific topic... something I noticed, something that inspired me, or something that needs questioning.

So, welcome.

I'm First Laydee, your host for today... and forever and I’m glad you’re here.

Now, let’s talk about it!

Today, we're going to be talking about the "keeping quiet for peace to reign" mindset. Stay with meeeeeee.

It's true that not every situation requires confrontation. Sometimes silence is wisdom. Sometimes walking away is maturity. But there is a difference between choosing silence from strength and choosing silence from fear. There is a difference between letting something go and letting yourself down.

If something genuinely does not bother you, then keeping quiet may truly preserve peace. But if something consistently unsettles you, and you silence yourself just to avoid being seen as dramatic or difficult, my love, you're doing harm to yourself.

Imagine someone calls you a name you don’t like. It might not even be an insult to them. Maybe they think is harmless or funny. But you know, within yourself, that you don’t like it... it makes you uncomfortable. Now instead of saying anything, you decide to keep quiet. You tell yourself it’s not worth it. You want peace to reign. So you stay silent.

But you're human, so the next time they say it, your brain will catch it immediately. Your body will definitely react, even if your mouth doesn’t. Every single time it happens, you hear it clearly because you already know you dislike it. You may not respond outwardly, but inside you, something shifts each time. Now tell me, is that peace?

And if you're able to shut your feelings so you don't feel anything when someone repeats something you don't like, don't worry, we'll address your case in an entirely different publication 'cause your matter no be here.

The absence of conflict is not the presence of peace. You can avoid an argument and still lose your sense of calm inside. It's called peace of mind for a reason. Silence may create the illusion of peace, but inside, resentment can quietly grow.

What makes it more complicated is that the other person may genuinely think everything is fine. After all, you never objected.

So now I ask whose peace are we protecting? Are you sacrificing your own comfort to avoid discomfort in others?

Is this you?

Dear, if a relationship crashes 'cause you expressed your feelings, then it was never meant to be. 'Cause what's a relationship where you can't freely express yourself??? One day, you'll burst.

Please ruin everything, and start again with someone better. Someone you can be ‘you' around without feeling the need to shrink yourself for 'peace'.

With this, I hope I've been able to convince you that this mindset of "keeping quiet for peace to reign", belongs in the trash?

Yes? Good.

No? Send me a DM, I know a good deliverance center. centre? Wo anyone!

All righttttyy, guysss… that’s all for today on Let’s Talk About It. Thank you for staying with me.

This is just the first episode, and of course, it only gets better from here.

I remain your host, First Laydeeeeeee. *bows curtly.

See you next time… but only if you’ve subscribed!

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I know you have something to say… spill!

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You hear it most clearly in moments of tragedy.

When someone dies, very often, the first thing said is not about the person’s character, dreams, or impact, but about their appearance: “She was a fine girl.” “He was so handsome.” And then the conclusion follownaturally... “She didn’t deserve to die.” “He didn't deserve to die."

Who deserves to die?

By saying a “fine girl” didn’t deserve to die, society is unknowingly suggesting that death would be more acceptable if the person were not ‘fine’. That tragedy is somehow heavier when it happens to someone attractive, and lighter when it happens to someone ‘ordinary'.

When beauty becomes the lens through which we measure tragedy, we reduce human worth to appearance.

This is how society tells us that some lives matter more than others because of how they look, not who they are.

Beauty is now treated like a shield, something that should protect people from pain. So when pain finds them anyway, society reacts with disbelief. “How could this happen to someone like her?” But pain does not check faces before it arrives.

What truly deserves our sympathy is not that a “fine girl” died, but that any human being died.

When we attach sympathy to beauty, we imply that people who are not ‘beautiful’ are more deserving of suffering. We normalize harm for some and dramatize it for others. And in doing so, we fail at humanity.

The world should not belong to beautiful people. It should belong to people. Periodddd!!

And yes, I'm aware that what society calls “beauty” isn’t beauty at all. That’s a story for never, though. We already know what real beauty is, and I have no interest in being the umpteenth person to tell it.

~ INK-de-PEN-dance ✍️🤍✨

And it isn’t even new. I’ve seen once, where a girl was punished the same way because she stole. But I couldn’t help wondering… why not just hand her over to the police??

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When we talk about “African parenting,” it’s important to define it clearly. African parenting, at its core, emphasizes discipline and guidance, respect for elders, obedience, and the transmission of cultural values. It is meant to raise children who are responsible, respectful, and connected to their culture.

Unfortunately, in modern discourse, the term “African parenting” is often misused to justify abuse. Most of the people who throw around “I was raised African” were actually raised in African homes. They lived with strict parents, expectations, and boundaries, but what they experienced crossed the line into abuse. That pain they endured wasn’t discipline... it was harm. And pretending it was “just African parenting” erases the real suffering that happened.

Some of these children grow up and seem fine to everyone else. They do well in school, in work, and in life, so people say the abuse worked. But inside, many of them are still carrying pain they don’t even realize is there. Because that pain was never healed, it doesn’t go away... it often shows up later in how they raise their own children. That’s how that harmful cycle continues, until one person decides to break it and do better.

African parenting is a style... a culture of raising children with discipline, and love. It doesn't justify yelling, threats, verbal insults, humiliation, excessive corporal punishment, or emotional neglect. Punishment, if it must happen, should help someone learn and improve... not hurt or shame them.

Strict parenting can teach respect and responsibility without breaking a child’s spirit. Leaving children scarred, instilling fear, turning love into something terrifying... and calling it “African parenting” doesn’t make it right. It doesn’t make it tradition. It doesn’t make it love 'cause love doesn't hurt!

It’s time to stop hiding behind the phrase “That’s how I was raised.” Children deserve care, guidance, and protection.

Let’s reclaim African parenting for what it truly is and stop using it as an excuse for cruelty.

Because abuse, no matter the cultural justification, is abuse.

Let that cycle end with youuuu!!

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